sneak preview to happiness:)

2012-01-31T11:33:00.001-08:00

Grateful.
For everything.

2012-01-24T21:36:00.001-08:00

Sometimes,I wana leave this world.
And nv come back.
Im not being childish.but when everything seems too much to handle..
Ppl.just.dont.get.it

2012-01-24T07:34:00.001-08:00

Sometime it's best to be stupid.cuz when u're stupid other ppl would not want to talk things with u cuz u r too stupid to understand their stupid language.

2012-01-08T10:11:00.001-08:00

The fact is

No matter how much u r committed to marriage.
You can't fucking trust a guy wholeheartedly.

With heartfelt thanks

2011-12-31T13:26:00.001-08:00

Above all power,above all throne.
My God reigns.
Thank You Lord.

2011-12-29T11:24:00.001-08:00

I hope

Wow

2011-12-19T11:18:00.001-08:00

Happy birthday to myself.
Wait.am I 21 now???oh my.this is scary.

Random

2011-12-12T11:40:00.001-08:00

I thank God for everything He gave.
For allowing me to continue school without major worries of school fees and daily necessities.
For arranging everything that seems so difficult and yet there's treasure beneath each obstacle.
I try not to compare myself with others.But whenever I do so,it just magnify Your glory.
Lord,I humbled myself before you.
That U shall bless everyone I love and loves me.
For they deserve the best in bringing my to who I am today.

Beside,I will not forget those 'superficial friends' who tries to make a dig out of me and yet,not able to do so.
Lord,give me the ability and strength to stay humble in times like this.That no matter what,resilience will be my biggest weapon.

Amen.
3.39am

For Lord my God

2011-11-21T02:36:00.001-08:00

Father,no words can describe my gratitude.
Thank you for granting my peace to the restless.
Lord,thank you for always trusting in me.for making me shine through the toughest times.
As much as I am not confident.u gave me what I need.Jesus,wonderful saviour.
U lead my pathway.U deliver the sweetest words to my ears.and u made my hardworking worthwhile.
Father,teach me to ignore those pahangs.and only strive to give glory and honor to u,my Lord.
For whatever I do,may not be pleasant to others.but only to you.
Craved me to b the sculptured one tt u forsee me in.

2011-11-13T09:25:00.001-08:00

Sometimes,I missed u.I know I shouldn't.
I thought I could see u by chance last night.
I hope u're doing good.
Lips of an angel.

_|_

2011-10-19T10:15:00.001-07:00

I don't really care if u look down on me.actually I do.
But whether or not,this is the fucking reason u r the motivation for me to outshine u. Yes you.
Grow up

2011-09-08T11:29:00.000-07:00

.
I saw the halloween's stuff at daiso. It reminds tt it's going to b a yr.
How r u brother? I hope u r doing great with overflowing of milk and honey sitting right next to Jesus.
Have u spoke to ur parents?what bout ur sIster? I hope they are coping well without ur presence.
Boy,how I wish all these ain't true.
Tt I will still hear about u occasionally from others.
But u aren't here anymore.u've gone to meet Jesus.
How lucky are u.to be able to be with the Lord.
Pls dont forget ur loved ones. That they are the ones who's struggling back the tears they shed daily.
Have u heard my prayer?I believe the angels told you,i miss those days.
Bt if it weren't for those days,u might nt be who u r.
If back then, we choose church over detention centers. Food over cigarettes, mayb we are different person today.
be blessed in Heaven,my friend.
For u always have a place in my heart.
I'll always rmb ur smile.

Sealed with love and prayers for u,
Wendi

Words to say to Him

2011-09-07T11:20:00.000-07:00

Father,
Thank you for pulling me tru.for letting me know are with me,everytime.I'm not gonna btray u.I'm not going to badmouth u.but I'll Only sing praises. Worship to you.Jesus.

Your daughter,
Wendi

Amazing Grace,wonderful love.

2011-09-04T11:03:00.000-07:00

Father,Thank You for pushing me tru and showing me the light.
For u amazed me.
Thank You for allowing me to experience ur presence time and time again!
Amazing Grace.
How's Darren?

I Thank God

2011-09-03T12:25:00.000-07:00

When Father wants to make known something to u,He'll do it.
Booked my tickets to bkk.had whole lota mess.book two sets of tix.hopefully we'll be able to get refund
Now it's 3.39am. Chow's going for army marathon in 20'mins times..just spoke to Jessie. I heard bout u.
Its such a familiar feeling.as a friend, It's nice to hear about u.
I had the urge to write to u.I knw u r nt who u potray. I wanted to let u know at the end of the day.u've still got a friend here.
As much as I hate ur boasting.I hate how u trying to put my husband down. In seek of recognition,you went to the extreme.
I know it'll be yrs, or mayb decade later or even not at all that u might pass by here. But even as everyone gave up hope on u,I'll still pray n hope God answers to ur prayer.that you shall find peace in Him. I am glad that I found someone so true n sincere to spend my rest of life with.
I believe if u can too.boy,be strong.be tough. Stand up on ur feet like how I once did.the guy I know wasn't like this,at all.

Your friend,
Wendi

A Letter to Father

2011-08-03T09:39:00.000-07:00

Dear Father,

As the school starts.My last and important year.Im scared.scared that I can't perform.that my team mates will be lousy.and I cant get the targeted results.

my classmates are putting up a defensive wall against me because they see me as a fierce competitor.

but Father.all I want is to be able to prove to myself bout what I can acheive.

Lord,I pray that u'll guide and motivate me during this crucial year.that I'll be stronger all because I have Faith that you'll bring me to a higher level.

I Thank You for sowing amazing people ard me. I know I have so much support than I could ever ask for.

Father,bless me with a focus mind. To know what's right from wrong. To lead with faith and not by brains.

To face every problem as an oppurtunity. No matter how tough this 1 year's gona be,ur girl's gona enjoy e process.Lord,I know that u will always answer prayers.

And with all that I have Lord,let me have the power to change and influence people.To bring them closer to u.

Let them know I am not who they thought I am.let the evil run no negative thoughts.and that Holy Spirit will grow with me.

Lord,use me as a tool of testimony.

no matter how bad situation's gona be.with you,I'm not afraid of anything:D

In Your Almighty name,

Amen

This is a time, when being stupid is a offence

2011-05-04T10:22:00.000-07:00

I doubt people understand that prices increases due to inflation.
and inflation is unavoidable for a country to progress.
you wana compare?why not compare the price of flats in singapore and malaysia. ya, buying flats in malaysia is cheap. In singapore you gota pay so much higher. but will you stay in Malaysia given the fact that Singapore offers better security, HIGHER MARKET VALUE, accessible transportation?

some think that GE is a good time to blame the PAP for every single little tiny winy loss they 'suffered'.

2011-04-19T06:35:00.000-07:00

baby, i'll get you one day. one fine day. i'll lay my hands on you. and ur pal. gosh. you're amazingly beautiful. you make me drool.

2011-04-16T11:44:00.000-07:00

Im getting tired of what i'm doing. But i need to finish what i started. im reaching there.

i wana be like her.

Such an amazing person.

Frida.

28 April.

2011-04-05T11:20:00.000-07:00

22 more days.
i've got to make the fullest of these 22 days.
28 April. In God's name.
I'll bring glory to His name. I know i will. enjoy what you're doing.

2011-04-03T09:02:00.000-07:00

retreat. im mentally drained. not physically tired. why is it that this sem seems so much tougher when all things seems so relaxed? i need a retreat badly. badly more den anything.

2011-03-22T08:10:00.000-07:00

A letter to myself.

Dear Wendi,
In life there are always people who will step on you when you're trying to improve.
Most see you as being competitive, others, understand.
You need to learn how to be harsh and regard those as people who are meaningless in your life.
Dont feel sad about those things that they said.
For they gather no guts to tell you your flaws.
But because they are also the children of God, you need not get tough on them.
In the end, success will bring me somewhere. And i'll be facing lots of these ppl out there.
hardwork+dedication=results
and its all for Kaylee and my future.
others are redundant.

Be Strong,girl. Be a hunter. Hunt for your OWN success.

2011-03-15T09:14:00.000-07:00

Without noticing, I've run almost 1/2 of the journey of my diploma.
I guess everyone has a dream.
For me, i dream of working in a wedding boutique, doing everything that's required.
When old age, i dreamt of opening a alteration shop with my husband. And spend the rest of my life with my family.
I want to be so many many.
That sometimes, my ambition overshadow my worship for Lord.
I pray to be stronger in Christ. and that He'll bless everyone on Earth.
The world has too much to offer.
And it might not be a good thing.
Jesus, hear our prayer.
Touch the lonely.
Hear their cry.
God bless.

2011-03-04T07:46:00.000-08:00

If only you could really understand how it feels.
If only our heart really beat as one.
If only.
Now, to you, i might just be another girl whining.
But, how much do you know. Tt its a cryout of how tired i am.
I need you to help me think of a solution.
A solution which will do good to us.
Right now, i feel that im all alone,again.
Back to the original state.
And i hate it.

2011-02-25T08:04:00.001-08:00

CHC is moving to Suntec!

i really really want to experience the very last service together with all the people around.
i know its gona be an amazing and awesome day to withness God's love amongst.
But say me stupid, I totally forgotten that the whole family alrdy planned for a last min trip to Malaysia tmr.
Ignorant me, I was still thinking how great the service will be. What songs will be sung.
IT WILL AND DEFINITELY IS AN MILESTONE FOR THE CHURCH.

little did i rmb about all that's going on.
i know my attendance does not make any difference to the impressive 5,000 people attending on weekends.

It's because of God's grace, and His power, that He allows miracles to happen. Time and time again. And its because of Him, I'm beginning to be true to myself once again.
Like what my brother said, Have ample Faith. and let God do the rest.
I know im a little too religious here.
That is because i experience what He has done in my life, not giving up on me.

2011-02-13T09:24:00.000-08:00

Things have been very much hetic these days.
it all made me feel. breathless.
its always a cycle.
like;you angry me. i angry you. you not happy i angry. you make other people angry. i not happy you make people angry. i not happy you. YOU UNDERSTAND ME?
sometimes i tell myself, once i have a place i call home, you will never ever use that stupid f tantrum to me anymore.

2011-01-17T06:58:00.000-08:00

In life, there are just so many things i wana challenge myself with.

I chose a topic which interest me, but it spells difficulty.

I sometimes do doubt my ability. I just aint that confident in things anymore.

I gain weight. Went fatter, rounder. But, i'm simpler and happier.

I wana make people around me felt that way too.

At times, i do worry. Worry bout my studies, financial, Kaylee, most importantly, my parents' health. I worry that they might just go off and i havent done my part to make them live well.

Times like this, Lord answer EVERY of my worry.

When I went for the internship interview, I prayed for a successful interview and acceptance in the company. That things will be good, if not better.

These few weeks, the fact about my dad's check up regarding the lump keeps bothering me.

Especially when doc said its a tumour.

Negative thoughts flow through. I was so down and moody. Nobody really understand how it feels. Cause, everyone will just say, it'll be ok. 'but ok? you sure? i cant trust you.' was all that flashed in my mind.

And during those weeks, Pastor's sermon was all about placing my faith in Lord.Not once, but twice, when i attended church. It really was my mental support. that jab me with a dose of faith each time.

I told myself to have great faith. Cause Lord doesnt fail me, even once. He uphold his promises.

I want to be a living testimony of what Lord's grace can do.

I'll grow stronger.

And you too.

2011-01-09T07:19:00.000-08:00

im excited for sch to start.

for lulu's graduating show.

for 2011.and everything to come

im excited because i believe God has arranged what's good for me.

grateful,i am. always.

2011-01-06T18:28:00.000-08:00

1)i wish i could draw like this.

2)i wish i could stay in a place like this.

3)i wish i could have this every morning for breakfast, and for supper.

HOHOHO. HAPPY NEW YEAR.

time to give ang bao-.-

2010-12-26T21:31:00.000-08:00

Back from my 'short' getaway to Genting and KL.

Everything was good except my occasion crazy mood.

Just 5 more days to a new year.

And yes, Im so looking forward to it.

Not really,though.

every year seems to be the same. But i reckon my years to come will be much better than previous. Cause Im budding into a stronger person. A stronger Christian.

I feel so much at peace these days as compared to the beginning of the year.

And alot more, successful.

Leaving you an awesome picture which inspires me much.

see you later.

Ciao.

REIGNS

2010-12-06T08:14:00.000-08:00

So i suppose this space is somewhere i could share my feelings.

Was so very over the moon that i'm given the chance to attend Raffles Design graduating fashion show for the degree students next mon at Fairmount Hotel.

I've been enjoying my days very much, and time pass fast when im occupied.

Yeah, I've started to attend church again.

seek Christ. from as far as i remember,that was how my life initially begins.

Started attending Children's church every Sat with my cousins for years. That was the best part of my childhood days when everything wasnt that complicated.

And, after much obstructions from my mum and dad, i stopped attending church and things went the wrong way, that was when others compared my life to a roller coaster ride.

Now, im glad, currently, life is like a coach ride, bumpy along the way, but still, manageable.

I might not be the typical Christian yet, but i'm trying my best to start from the basic.

And know God, like its my first time.

No matter what, my God reigns.

God, He answers.

2010-12-02T06:30:00.000-08:00

work has been good. And im enjoying every single moment out of it.
I get to learn new things from every single person every day.
They say you'll find what you love to do sooner or later.
i suppose this might be what i enjoying doing for my years?
i dont mind using illustrator day in day out, drawing apparels, doing sewing, paper pattern, and sometimes clearing some shit that has been left on shelf for years, not to mention the excitment of seeing a collection formed.
its satisfying.
And i thank God, that He really blessed me.
I rmb, praying to him that i'll leave all my worries regarding this intern to him.
That hopefully everyone wont be as wicked.
He did. He answered my prayers and bring my through all the obstacles with a heart filled with intention to learn and gratitude to those who helped and given me the chance to do so.

i really do see myself there. making my loved ones feel proud of me. yes i do.
I want my mummy to say that, well, my daughter's a big girl now:)

speaking of mum, its been some time since i called her. gona do so now.
see ya.

2010-12-01T06:39:00.000-08:00

i wan time to pass by slowly. even if its the worst. cause i know, Lord is just there for me.
no matter what.

forget those praises. and live like you were just born.
ignore those critics. cause you know they are just jealous.

take everything as a challenge. and outwin it.
i'll do so, in Lord's mighty name.

"Are you willing to do that now? Or are you going to wait untill all life energy drainsout of you and your loved ones who were trying to support you at this very moment? you were not born to follow rules and regulations. Living starts with dreaming. So, dream, dream friend, and let your dreams show you the path to your bliss."

2010-11-30T01:21:00.000-08:00

if i got the power, i'm so gona turn u into a frog.

2010-11-27T06:25:00.000-08:00

because when there are some who's jealous of you.
it doesnt means that you are lousy.
for the last one standing, is always the winner.
it's who you are at the very end of the day.

BECAUSE HE LIVES

2010-11-18T07:38:00.000-08:00

Dear mama,
TQ for paying my sch fees and all for all those years.But Iam suppose to get outa my shell and be a more responsible person. Im glad that i can managed to pay for my current school fees with my own cpf money.
Eventhough its jus for a pathetic one sem,i am trying my ways and means to let you feel comfortable for the fact that your girl isnt a burden anymore.

I thank God that you're in the initial stage of colon cancer, and that let me realise how precious you are. And now, i reckon that the Lord wants me to understand more about growing up.

Even so that you and dad are on the worst relationship a couple can get, but i do love you both. And i prayed hard that dad wouldnt have any cancer, that the on-growing lump on his neck is jus a lump of flesh.

Being the eldest, I know i just gota be strong, but I cant take the fact that any of my loved ones are leaving.

I know you two are trying your best to give bro and i the most normal life a kid can have, despite your broken marriage. Yet i know, its jus part of my life. and this is what makes me stronger as a person. What's in me iS the trust i have in Lord that He'll answer to my prayer every night.
That in my prayers, my loved ones will be taken care by Him.

Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound.

2010-11-07T07:46:00.000-08:00

U were once my god brother.
but forever, u'll b in my heart.
D, I'll miss u.
U've created an impact in everybody's life. Death has never been so close, never had i thought of losing a friend at such age.
The older u are, the more you gota learn in life.
And this, i suppose, is a learning process.
but the price is too huge to pay.
D, pls wait for us at the gate of Heaven. And I'll see u one day when my time arrive. But pls be sure that u know how i look like by then.

Im proud to know you.

And you brought me closer to God.

Your legacy will always be with me.

Till then, you'll be in my heart. For sure. tt's how much u matters.

I love you brother, bless us from above.
For now, goodbye.

30.10.10

2010-11-03T07:07:00.000-07:00

dear Darren,

news of u getting killed is jus so abrupt. eventhough we've stop talking to each other during the recent years, it still affect me much to hear about ur death.
i remembered during our secondary days in Loyang, having the god-sis and bro thingy, we often meet aft school to smoke, prolly for a yr. You always ask me about what opinion i have about ur relationship. As what was mentioned last night, you loved ur friends more than u love urself.
we were once strayed, cheong, me, xiang hui and etc; we once were stupid enough to dream of being part of society. thinking that its cool.
but last night, last night, ur family members were strong, esp ur dad. he said something which i reckon much;"Darren wasnt a bad kid. He tried to be. but he cant. He just wanted to be a part of somewhere, to be accepted." that was what left the deepest impact in me.
We can dislike someone jus bcuz he/she is irritating, a boot-licker. but nv have i thought that all he wants is to accepted.
How tough it is for those dearest to see you lying coldly in there, to sing praises and condolences to ur family. Why is it that everyone is growing up, and jus when u too, are given the chance to. such incident happen.
They say, kids who learn music wont stray. i say, kids who belive in Christ wont too. I find peace that you're now in a green pasture. That u wont have to worry about ur grades, ur hair, ur pimples. That right now,all u have is embracing in Lord's grace.
If, if i didnt jus give up. prolly we could have attended church together.
Darren, pls, give blessing to ur family. that they will take these baby steps to adapt life without u.
Im e eldest, and i could imagine how sucks it is to have the family burdened on the shoulders of ur sister.
Give them strength, cause life for them will never be the same anymore.
Chirstians do not paticipate in Halloween, and i wont even more celebrate this day, cuz one of my friend left for Heaven on this day.

Your friend,
Wendi

i ought to be humble

2010-10-28T07:40:00.000-07:00

humans are good by nature.
but you've gota be a bitch if you're out to the working world.
tts y some say the bad ones usually hangs out with the same group of friends.
but well, if this group is worth everything.
y not?
for me to come this far, everyone supported me. and i thank God for this.
for everytime when i fall, no matter how bad it is. there is always a helping hand. Chow always say tt im nasty to those strangers. And i always tell him. Cuz they are strangers.
Term is coming to an end, and im amazed by how much i've put in.
Never have i ever done something with the goal always in my mind as compared to now.
i suppose its because without Lulu and girls; i know it badly,how hard i need to depend on myself.
For the fact that someone in school dread to see me coming back, and that i need this diploma badly for fear i might be earning that pathetic 2k for the rest of my life.
Now, i feared what's coming. and tts y im building my house with bricks.
I sense the insecurity of not giving my best to Kaylee. and its only now, i realise how tough this world is if you're just another face in the working force.
i want to work with passion. in the job i enjoy. And I know, with Lord's grace. He'll guide me through even the toughest time.

Praise the Lord.

im tired. but im happy. nv felt so contented with school work.

2010-10-24T07:32:00.000-07:00

I think my collection is awesooooommmmmmmme. and so were my boards. just the last lap to go. reports reports.let me love you.

concept board
Mood board

Colour board

Fabric Board

Design Direction board

Final collection-Swimwear.

2010-10-20T06:22:00.000-07:00

I've got into the internship programme.
OH YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
learning process makes the piercing in finger more worthwhile.busy like a dog. but its satisifying.

2010-09-29T09:02:00.000-07:00

4 more weeks.

pd.
research report
final dress
ad
maths
computerise

and tts it.
14 weeks. and term break.

smile

2010-09-27T05:37:00.000-07:00

not myself.
not happy anymore.
i duno.
not myself.
Anos.

2010-09-26T07:25:00.000-07:00

if you know i aint feeling happy. what will you do.
if you know im sad and down. how will you react.
if you know im doing all these for you. what will you say.

if you know the person you love is suffering. what will you do,to bring back the old me.
bro, can you dont go china,i think i need you badly.

2010-09-25T23:40:00.000-07:00

boiling.
yes, so boiling hot.
i've lost repect for this family.
no one is to judge the relationship between my mum and dad.
including you.
dun you fucking hell step into the situation,knowing nuts and conclude the whole episode in jus a bloody single sentence.
and.call me bad.
but im not going to give in like how everyone used to.
im not going to be part of what u guys think is fillial.
to me, its rubbish.
plain crap.

sometimes in life, you just gota fight for things you deserve.

2010-09-25T09:35:00.000-07:00

its a quarter after 1.and i need you now.

ok.i know this space aint behaving like what a mummy's space should look like.
but, so what if im a mummy.
there's still things after this milestone.
its not like life gona ended here,yes HERE.
i love kaylee, and tt's e reason y i gave birth to her.
so pls dont come asking,y is ur space so dead.
nth of what a mummy is.

u dun judge me.

fight.
sometimes in life, you just gota fight for things you deserve.

2010-09-21T12:26:00.000-07:00

hulala hulala hula hula leh.
i've managed to lose another kg!
time to wear those clothes, hit the club.
and b a young mommy!

i've slimmed down aft 1 yr.
WAD BOUT U,sourpotato.

2010-09-15T08:35:00.001-07:00

my head is thumping.
i dread of everything.
i wanted to say nasty words.
but
y is it tt i find assignments so much enjoyable to talking to ggfkg
i wish everything could b better
tt i wont add on pressure to u.
i wish i would b fine.
tt i wont dread of coming back
but.
im such a bitch.
that i cant b blind
tt im an idiot.
tt i think too highly of myself.
im such a weakling.

i rant.
so what
im tied.
bondage
.
.

why

2010-09-12T11:42:00.000-07:00

hightime.
i dun feel comfortable.
coming 2 yrs.
3 more yrs to go.

2010-09-10T08:33:00.000-07:00

sometimes.i jus wish i can be myself. and YOU FUCKING dun judge me.cuz u aint tt perfect too.

edie sedgwick.

theme.mood.
illustrations.

2010-09-02T06:54:00.000-07:00

my baby girl is turning 1!!!!! ONE! O.N.E!

i'm a mama for a yr!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

baby girl, as much as mama swear and curse at all the damn things that are constantly happening around.

but u're the only reason that keeps me going on.

i know right now, i cant give you the best,

but mama promise u.

give me 5 years.

i'll strive a career both for u dada and waipo.

i dont want you to be in my steps. and i'll protect the little baby girl i always loved.

darling girl, mama love you.

Mirror mirror in ur heart.tell me who's the fairest of them ALL!

2010-08-21T09:55:00.000-07:00

sometimes, mirror are there for a purpose.
for u to LOOK, and REFLECT.

2010-08-21T05:10:00.000-07:00

ya.because everybody thinks tt im the problematic one.
what the fuck has i done to myself.
it aint any fucking easy.f.

i feel pathetic.
f pathetic.

when only the pixies understand.

2010-08-19T08:22:00.000-07:00

im in my own world. where only the pixies understand.

i hope its PMS at fault.
im sorry.
i am growing to hate u.

ur actions irks me.
so fucking bad.

2010-08-19T08:09:00.000-07:00

you know u jus gota keep going.
but sometimes, u jus wana stop. stop everything u do. and think. what life is.
i used to not wana follow the steps of the mainstream. Pursuing my own dreams. do what i want. But now, it seems like i've lost me.

just keep going.

I hate u. Yes, YOU.fuckin b.

2010-08-15T02:41:00.000-07:00

2010-08-09T01:19:00.000-07:00

life's an occasion. Rise to it.

2010-08-07T01:58:00.000-07:00

someday we'll wake up and realise who exactly are we.
the regrets we've done.
marrying weiliang is e best choice i've made.

2010-07-25T09:53:00.000-07:00

i am wendi tan.

and i hate funeral.

i hate to know the fact tt people DO age.

people DO die.

and pardon me for saying.

but how much i hope, even as i grow to experience life, people around me stay the same.

that may flowers bloom forever.

that the sun also shine.

and no rain gona come again.

2010-07-24T09:36:00.000-07:00

went to a uncle funeral today.
mood was rather solemn. with a few heart warming smiles from aunties.
life is such. life is fast.
life is beautiful. but what is life.
and how do you determine the things you've acheived in life.
i cant accept death. prolly im still young.
prolly, i am still at the start of a beautiful story.
im turning 20. and certain reality starts to hit me.
what is it like to be an adult. one full of experience.
sickness is scary.
reality is even more.

if i were to die, what arrangements will i do.
i wonder.

2010-07-20T09:09:00.001-07:00

school started.
finally found my worth.
i hope i'll b consistant without those girls by my side.
JIA YOUUUU

2010-07-07T20:10:00.000-07:00

school's starting in less then 10 days.
and while i was registering for all my modules this morning.
i realise i've got jus so much shit to clear.from those failed modules(due to attendance).
at tt point of time,i mus be thinking i've ample time to spare.retaking?no problem!
but now tt im a mommy.i can seriously feel the pinch.the amount of moolah that's gona fly away frm my pocket.

gona retake
1)basic pattern making.
2)computerized techniques.
3)communication skills.
siao liao lo.no retake=no diploma.
kio sai time.
jia you wendi!you can do it!!!!!(i hope,very much)

2010-06-27T09:13:00.000-07:00

its been some time since i last type anything here.
life has been good so far.(except for the past 2 hrs with my husband wearing his england jersey and seeing them losing 4-1,erm,should be 4-2)
school is gona start so very soon.
and i cant wait for tt to happen.
I C A N T W A I T.

2010-06-23T08:15:00.000-07:00

school's starting.
im so v excited!!!!!
GOGOGGOGOGO!!!go wendi go!go wendi go!

side track:i hate it when aunty red is here.
i eat like a dog. simply crave for the most unhealthy food.
and pheww.there goes my workout.hatezitztozthezmaxz

ignorant.

2010-06-17T08:20:00.000-07:00

i know im bring random.
but,for those outside the picture.
pls dont try to conflict between a married couple.
moreover,you're married too.
im nt saying tt it happens for my marriage.
but im feeling rather injust for a friend who has this situation.

2010-06-15T01:34:00.000-07:00

i know im being random.but im really happy that my weight is dropping(or mayb,my eyes are playing tricks on me)!
to 46!!!!OH YES!
forever say bye to 5!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
but as what i tell chow,it seems like my flab arms,pig leg and love handles are here to stay!
:(
but nevertheless.its a GD NEWS!!!!!wendi tan 3 more kg to wearing nicer clothes,pretty shoes!!!!!no more being a snowman-as quoted from my husband.
jyjyjyjyjyjyjyjyjyjyjyjyjyjyjyjyjyjyjyjyjyjyjyjyjyjy!!

2010-06-14T23:38:00.000-07:00

had a chat with a fren last nite.
and it brings bck memories of my past relationship.
im so v glad that i manage to walk out of the relationship i had for 3 yrs.
if nt,God knows what the heck i'll be like.
ya,i was way too early for relationships back then.
but again,if it wasnt for that puppy love.i wouldnt have experience so much and treasure more of what i had now rite?
even though my husband isnt as intimidating,manly,but im glad i made the right choice.if nt,its more or less having ur life ruin to a guy who isnt as prepared.

i really do wish u well.but frm what i heard,u seems comfortable with what u're having.all the best,if so.
may Lady Luck be smiling at you.

self reali-zation.

2010-06-09T22:53:00.000-07:00

will not be coming to this space as often.

this space once used to be a place for me to jot down my mood and feelings.

but it wont be the same anymore.

one step back.i see things even clearer now.
human matures in time of crisis.
as much as i wanted to carry so many burdens on.
but i know i aint able to.

mentally,
tired,i am
but im not saying.
concealed under the harsh reality.
i cant take it lying.
for God knows,when this day will come.
i place all my Faith in Almighty.hopefully he'll see.
like how i used to pray to him,
on the day i know i conceived.

be strong.pray hard.God listens.yes,He do.

2010-06-08T02:28:00.000-07:00

we often forget those who really cared.
for me,i forgot the one who give life to me.
remorse.i am,very much.

2010-06-07T22:55:00.000-07:00

it aint easy to take things easy for this matter.
guilty for what i've done in the past.
i need someone here.
is it too late?

2010-06-04T04:47:00.000-07:00

aft i saw you.
i just cant get u outa my mind.
my mind keeps thinking about you.
you're my only hobby.
shit.how.
i know i shouldnt think bout you.but but but but but
I JUST CANT STOP THINKING BOUT YOU.

D&G platform wedges or open toe bandage wedges.
Argh.13cm.ilove.
BUT I'VE GOT LIKE1212435456 flooded at my mum's place alrdy.
and i only bring those few to my place.
hwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhwhw.
i dont like t buy clothes.but heels,wa.my weakness.

2010-06-03T02:53:00.000-07:00

when i become a mama.
(spare me a min,for being emotional)

when i was young,mama told me not to grow up so fast,for fear the reality might be harsh.
i defy those words,here i am.
when i become a mama,things around me somehow changes.
all for my daughter.
but somehow or rather,i am.feeling loved.
with so many friends around whom i know are genuine towards me.
i appreciate.
i once thought that i must be a horrible person to hang out with.tts y nobody wants to befriend with me.
and now,looking back.
goodness gracious,i think im quite a good person after all.haha.
cheong,keelin,guanhong,shijun,leong,clara,renyi-monsters.
these are keepers.eventhough some are really irritating.but well.if they can accept me,y not me!

bottom line,who say when you're a mummy you tend to lose those friends!
true friends stay!!

i hope mum's report on monday will be fine fine fine fine.pls.pls.pls.pls.pls.pls.pls.as much as she's naggy at times.

2010-06-02T01:57:00.000-07:00

why is the sun so hot.air con so cold.
i hate feeling sick
temperature here can kill.
meeting ren yi later.
kick ass.
aunty red.
GRUMPY FRUMPY!!

2010-06-01T03:17:00.001-07:00

one reason why i love chow weiliang.

chow:what u had for lunch?
me:mee pok.
chow:why cant u try other thing,like,chicken chop,mee tak mak,kway teow.everyday mee pok.
me:i like.
chow:not sian ah.
me:if i sian,i'll have u changed 3 yrs back cause u keep asking the same question everyday since.

2010-05-30T21:55:00.000-07:00

monday blue,green,yellow,orange,purple.
i think i had an awesome weekend last week tts y i ended up being so shack for this week t come.

how how how!!!!!!!!!!!

happy girl.

2010-05-30T07:32:00.000-07:00

orchard.
chan chan chan.
milo.
buddies.
booze.
drink.
mahjong.
drunk.
happy much.
chan chan chan.
friends.
cab.
love.
weekend.
with chowchow.
and kaylee.

2010-05-26T04:47:00.000-07:00

under the influence of chowchow,im thinking of applyin to b a policewoman!!!!!!
it sound really cool and fun when ihear him talk about daily happenings.
i wan t try so many new jobs.howhowhow!!!

2010-05-25T00:15:00.000-07:00

WAKA WAKA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
iloveafricaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

2010-05-22T03:44:00.000-07:00

looking forward,excited.
xoxoxoxo

meanwhile,im bored.

2010-05-20T21:55:00.000-07:00

lets play a game-
'test my patience and explode.'

yes,im happy being w u.but not ppl ard u.i dont care who's reading.cuz its e fact.i dont feel any better.im sick of all the shit.n i know it s gona die us out one day.
im goin t learn how t b fucking selfish and pls dun blame me for tt.n if i dont seems t respect you tt's bcuz 'im jus like this,bear with it'.

2010-05-19T22:24:00.000-07:00

i try t avoid blogging some sensitive issues recently.
but its really tmm tt i got t jus find a bloody space t blah things out.
and this happen t b the only space for me right now.
dont ever tell me "she's like tt,jus dont take it t heart.cuz she talks w/o thinking.and aft a while she'll forget what she said."
1)if im like TT,can u ppl accept me?n,trying t mould me like this n that.
2)if u talk w/o thinking then sad t say,u're no different frm being a bimbo.
3)and if u forgotten what nonsense u've jus blah.i suggest u think about how old u r only.
as much as i wanted to do my part t respect you,but every nw and then,your outburst of temper seriously irks me off.i dont see why i deserve all this shit because everyone in the house is so used t it ALREADY,and presuming tt i should also too.
i really regret comin t work n agreeing t u wantin t take care of kay.
f it.F it,u get it?

as much as i wanted t blah every,every single thing out.but i know exactly how hard its gona be.
you dont know what its like to be me.
i pray hard hoping every morning,when i open my eyes,i'll b in an apartment of my own.
tt life will b better without u guys.
and that loving someone....is just as hard,when reality hits.

2010-05-17T04:08:00.001-07:00

i know you want me,you know i want ya!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

pitbull.
tmr.
fort canning.
cant go;(

2010-05-13T02:21:00.000-07:00

gona skip dinner and go for a jog tonight.
chowchow's coming back on sat.and i bet he will want t add those calories aft 6 days in jungle.
boy,
ii miss u so very muchhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.how how how.how t resist ur love for this boy!!!u tell me!!!!!!

anyway,kaylee baby is learning hw to stand on her own.happy happy!!!kaylee's growing up!!my lovely baby girl((:

2010-05-12T02:49:00.000-07:00

22nd for low guan hong 20th.
29 for hansheng 21st.

and let me tell u something.i freaking feel like clubbing w chowchow.but first of all.45 pls!!!

2010-05-10T23:02:00.000-07:00

im really glad we managed t clear e misunderstanding for,this matter has been on my mind for the longest time.honestly,i really didnt expect things to turn for e better.
and right now,aft e conversation,i do felt that we've indeed changed.from young foolish girls t a parent of our own baby.thank you for clarifying things despite me,giving up on contacting you.appreciated(:

on e other side,i know who's the one who start all these matter.
u know who u are.poisonwawa.
im not going to further discriminate what you'e done behind my back.as long as u and i know.
ur name and action disgust me.

2010-05-09T22:33:00.000-07:00

if u know tt ur child is going to die sooner or later.what will u do?
i think my world wouldnt b e same if tt happens.
passed by some mummy blog and saw this.
http://www.sacbee.com/static/newsroom/swf/april07/mother/
happy belated mothers' day<3

i think this song voice out how i was feeling all time.
when i was younger
i saw my daddy cry
and curse at the wind
he broke his own heart
and i watched
as he tried to reassemble it
and my mommy swear that she'll never let herself forget
and that was the day i promised
i'd never sing love
if it does not exist
but,darling
you,are,the only exception
you,are,the only excpetion
you,are the only exception
you,are,the only exception
maybe i know,somewhere
deep in my soul
that love never lasts
and we've got to find other ways
to make it alone
keep a straight face
and i've always lived like this
keeping a comfortable,distance
and up until now.
i has sworn to myself that im content with loneliness
because none of it was ever worth the risk
well,you're the only exception.
and i'm on my way to believing.

darling boy,there's so many things happening lately to the family and causing an impact to our relationship somehow.as much as i thought marriage was that easy because its only you and me.but i know,it aint easy to be the wife of the only son in the family.so much so at times,i think t myself whether all these sacrifice are worth those happy moments.adding on to the woes were you having to complete ns.
but the moment i see the way u showered me with your love.i know no one could ever replace your position in my heart.for you give me everything that i wanted.
and im on my way to beliving that you're the only exception:))
lets work hard for kaylee.your baby girl who goes 'dadadadadaaaaaaa' everytime she sees you.

2010-05-09T09:51:00.000-07:00

gona miss another gathering w/ e girls at charlene's place.
UHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
school's starting,and i seriously cant wait.
july 21.i cant wait t jus continue school and finish my diploma.

2010-05-06T02:52:00.000-07:00

i think the problem lies w/ me.nt anybody.tt,i always wan to do e v best.not knowing the limit of one.f.if im like this during my school days,then it'll b awesome.seriously got to learn hw to take things easy.easy.easy.wendi tan.jus chill.

2010-05-05T01:55:00.000-07:00

i hate e weather here.
this morning,it was real hot.as though the sun is jus right above my head.and e next moment.im in e shop w/ extremely cold air con as though im in the north pole.wrapped in like 1234533 layers of clothing.resulting in my servere headach right now.now now!
5pm.i stil have 3 more hrs to go.
i want to slp.zzzzzz.
chowchow.imu.

2010-05-05T01:13:00.000-07:00

girlfriends are going genting.gosh.tempteddddddd.not bcuz im into those rides.but bcuz being with them will be fun,nth but fun and laughters.

but i jus came bck frm hk like nt a month ago.i cant possibly jus throw this shop aside.moreover.i cant leave kay home and expect mil to take care while im having fun.hmmm.mayb next yr then.haa.earn moolah.moolah come come come.

2010-05-04T03:04:00.000-07:00

say hi to 4!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
but my flabby tummy's stil there!
i strongly believe its e air during confinement.haaa.
anyway.im so looking forward to returning bck to nafa.
wendi,ggooooooogogogogogo.u can do it.
as wad bro always quote-jus only.

2010-04-30T01:48:00.000-07:00

chowchow,thanks for being the eraser:)

ilu.

2010-04-27T00:32:00.000-07:00

woke up in the wee hours just to bring kay down for slide.
and,one v useful advise for all mummies.dont ever go out wit,ur grandmother-in-law,ur mother-in-law and daughter.its a formula.
grandmother-il+mother-il+me.+their 4th generation=non stop noise pollution.
each generation trying to to outtalk one another.which i think its jus pure !@#$%#!@!
and it leads me to another conclusion.my further love nest will be furthest from any kin.jus to avoid the 'too close for comfort' issue.

wendi tan,jia you jia you!!!!!!!!!!!3 more yrs.and we'll be solely independent!!
if i can,i will rathr send my kids to infant care.

2010-04-21T00:13:00.000-07:00

i think the reason y weiliang and i are together and married is bcuz we both have the same 'dont care' attitude.and looking back.we seems realy cool ah.hahaaa.

damned.lappie's down.black screen.muz b me googling bout transexual stories aft reading the papers.cant blame me.i've like 9 hours to use the computer each day.

i a m j u s t p a s s i n g t i m e . a n d i r e a l l y n e e d t o b e w i s e r p l s .

i dun wan to always be so forgetful manssss.how how how?is there anything to drink to make me be better.

anyway.baby is a Miltary Police!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!oh yes!no one believe he is one!but mayb i can pull off this role well uh?blame it on ur kind face darling boy!

argh.woke up with a dislocated neck.argh.i cant sleep well.yyyyyy.

poo-poo

2010-04-20T04:20:00.000-07:00

today,something happened.
this morning mil left kaylee w/o pampers for a moment while she prepare her cereal.
and pooped.kaylee shitted.and yes,cuz she's crawling so fast nowdays.she was basking in her own shit.crawling the whole house,in this case,my room.and guess what.she's having fun ah
and this girl knows tt she has done something wrong.keep smiling to mil,weiqi and i la!!!!cuz we cleaned her shit!

2010-04-16T04:38:00.000-07:00

RANDOM.
thinking back my 20 yrs of life.i've nv been really productive other then creating chaos,being a dumb f ah lian.i've really done quite a few shameful things.and all because for the sake of fake fame and pride,and not forgetting those cheap dirty thrills.
a fortune teller once tell my mum tt i will b married b4 the age of 18 and b a mummy,i laughed it off.but it came true.
i guess the thing about me is that i dont believe what others want me to believe in.i chose to walk the tougher path.and here i am,a young mummy w/ a extremely cute and intelligent talkative girl.
if u ask me,what's the best thing in life i can celebrate,it has to be having kaylee and not regretting.eventhough her presence indeed hinder my way to big dreams and ambitions.but who knows,i'll b worst den who i am today if not for her.
and if its not for her,i wouldnt have realise how my brother would have secretly wrote to his church leader saying tt he feels lonely tt his sis is goin to get married and tt he jus wants me to be happy.whenever i thought bout this,it never fails to let those tears flow down my cheeks,like now.thank you bro.
from young,i know my life wounldn't be the same as others.and as true,i seems to be extra-ordinary,with a fair share of ups and downs.for me to be able to be who i am today.i know there is someone up there to protect and guide me on this journey.tough,i must say to be able to go through all the craps.
This someone shower me with a bunch of lovely loyal friends who are and will be there for me 24/7.a few who's name has constantly been running through my mind were,shi yun,renyi,lulu,the few who sticked with me accepting my flaws,and they made me believe in everlasting friendship.
i know,i aint a person who is easy to hang around with.
This someone gives me something tt i doesnt have since birth-Happiness.God,thank you for answering my prayers,blessing those who love me and i loved.for giving me everything.
come 22nd will be my little girl's appointment at KKH.God,if u were to let me have kaylee as my 18th bday gift,then i really wish tt it'll be a perfect one.
i appreciate everyone who has been in my life at any part of the time,be it whether u are the even just a hi-bye friend.cause u mould me to who i am today.
and not forgetting the amazing boy,chow weiliang.for wanting to marry me and taking up the responsibilty tt not all guys will.u're the reason for my change and i love u.now and forever.

2010-04-15T23:02:00.000-07:00

after much researching.
i realise baby kaylee is growing faster then babies of her age.
1)she crawls when she's 5 months plus.(can u believe?)
2)she talks and scream when she's 6 months.
3)she loves to stand.(eventhough she's learning to sit now)
4)she's like a mini adult now.

iloveilove.

love love love

2010-04-15T21:29:00.000-07:00

im going to create a fb acc.
cuz weiliang's face seems irritated whenever i used his acc to drop comments to girlfriends.haa
and most importantly,i want him TO LINK ME AS HIS WIFEY.demanding i am!:DD

hong kong was good fun!and i swear i will look for a job to stay in hong kong.
i love the culture.
i love the weather.
i love the food.(but no cow intestine pls!)
i love everything la.
whenever i go a country.i seems to love its everything ah.
i think its time i need to really use this few months left to really earn some money for school.had been travelling(thanks to my sugar daddy chow) for the past few months.
start scrimping for next stop-taiwan mayb?by then it'll b wit kay alrdy.

sugar daddy,when can we go africaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

2010-04-15T08:48:00.000-07:00

2010-04-11T21:04:00.001-07:00

hi ppl!!!
im in hong kong mtr right now.am really enjoying ourselves.clothes,food and entertainment was great!!!dun wana go back.hahah.
but wj,cant find ur ipod touch cover=(